I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to blog yesterday. I was so very tired, and I napped almost all day long. Later in the evening I went out to dinner with my parents and my aunt and uncle. It is always very difficult on me going out to a restaurant. I think it is because it takes so long and there is so much commotion. Usually when I go out to a restaurant I will have to self-medicate the experience by drinking alcohol, and even though I had one drink at dinner, the experience was simply too much for me. When my food came, I quickly wolfed it down, and then I went outside and chain-smoked until my dad finally came out to see why I didn't come back. I told him I couldn't go back inside and that the whole thing was too much for me. He went back inside and paid the bill, leaving my aunt and uncle at the table to finish their meals, and we left. I feel bad that I wasn't able to sit through a whole dinner. I usually pass on every out-to-eat dinner invitation, as it is always too stressful on me. This time, however, I really wanted to go because it was a thank you dinner for my aunt, who helped me at my book signing. In the future I will have to thank people in a different way.

I'm sort of wondering now if the stress of the dinner is what is causing me some symptoms. Again, it is hyperreligiosity. Late last night, I started downloading songs off of the internet, and I downloaded a bunch of Christian songs. So, since late last night, instead of listening to my normal love songs, I'm listening to worship music. I'm quite enjoying listening to these songs, but I'm a little afraid this means I will go off the deep end again in terms of my faith.

Additionally, I have been receiving comments from one of my podcasts that I sound like a black preacher from the South. I have been joking that I should be called "The Reverend." But what worries me is that I have been so excited about these comments that I'm fantasizing about being a Billy Graham-style evangelist preacher again. The real problem is this: I know that the people who really need to hear the Gospel don't go to church or revivals, and so I think I need to go out and preach to the unchurched where they are...this means preaching from the street corner or something similar. I would love to go to Uptown and set-up a soap box and just preach to all the people. I even thought it would be cool if someone attacked me and beat me up; I mean what a good story to be persecuted and attacked for Christ's sake in the U.S. I don't think that happens too much.

Another problem, is that I can't tell if these religious thoughts I'm having is really a leading from God or if it is just me being incredibly crazy. I guess I will never know.

People never understand why I alway have these dreams of evangelism, and I will try to explain them in my next entry.