I still have not written my speech, and the book signing is in a week. It shouldn't take long to write though. I suppose I 'm procrastinating because I don't feel stressed out about preparing for it—and now I have cool podcasting abilities, so I'm dying to make another podcast. The only problem is that my digit voice recorder is out of batteries; I will just have to wait until later in the day to record again.

My mother and nephew are going out for breakfast this morning. I was invited, but turned them down. Restaurants are usually just too stressful on me (that is, of course, unless I'm drinking alcohol). There is too much commotion, and I feel a bit trapped. It seems very odd to me that I would be largely disable from going out to eat, but I am. I have similar difficulties with gatherings of large groups of people.

To not always feel left out when my family goes out to dinner, usually my parents' will order a meal to go and deliver it to me. It is a nice way around being totally left out; it is just another necessary game to play to cope with the illness.

Coping with schizophrenia has been very difficult for me. I'm in a better place right now, but for many years I was hopeless and suicidal. Suicidal ideation and behaviors are all too common for those who suffer with mental illness. I'm fortunate that I never died by suicide; maybe I am lucky, or perhaps I am blessed. In any event, I'm alive today and I love my life. I still have difficulties, boy do I have difficulties, but over all my life is good. The process of going from wanting to kill yourself to wanting to live life again certainly is a long one. It took me years to learn to cope, not weeks or even months. I hope the fact that I'm coping successfully is encouragement to others with mental illness who might not realize that good times lie ahead of them.