Lately I have been having a bit of anxiety about my having become open about my illness. I was somewhat open about it before, at least to family and friends, but now I'm becoming open to the world, and that is a different story altogether. What causes me the greatest anxiety is revealing my illness to acquaintances who I will see regularly. It is becoming easier every day to mention that I have schizophrenia, but the anxiety is still there and hasn't completely passed.

When I run into people I know, but not well, I tell them that I have written a book and ask if they want to buy a copy. I then show the people the book. At first the people always seem pretty excited as they read the main title. Then, suddenly I see a change in the people's facial expressions as they read the subtitle, which reveals that the book is about mental illness. Their expression is not a prejudicial expression of disgust or fear exactly; instead it is more of a shock to the system. The great thing is everyone has been very kind when he or she learns of my diagnosis. If there is any fear, the people do a good job of hiding it. I'm thankful for that.

Despite the good reactions I have received so far, I would still advise most people to hide their mental illnesses. That is of course only if they want a work or social life. If they have pretty much dropped out of life in general, as I had, they might think, "What does it matter if I tell people?" Those were my thoughts, and they are what caused me to start becoming open (and played a role in me decided to write Regular & Decaf). The problem with that reasoning is that recovery is possible, and while it may not matter at the moment if the person has become open, it may very well matter later on when the person would be healthy enough to hide the illness and could pass for normal. I have even heard that there are two illness types that should ALWAYS be hidden from an employer: AIDS/HIV and mental illness.

There has been two positives that have come from becoming open, however, and I think I should address those. First, when I was hiding my illness I always had to tell incomplete and half truths to disguise my mental illness. Now that I don't have to do that, I feel quite relieved. Second, in becoming open I can help other people with mental illness in a more overt way. Perhaps I can help the mentally ill by becoming their "ambassador" to normal people. I would very much like helping in such a role.